The testament of a Fin

I can tell you what my first thought was, because it's been held against me my whole life.

Maybe that's my mama.

Boy, was the shouting loud. What do you mean maybe. And that was the first harvest of head-knocks, and there were a great many harvests after it.

What he didn't know was that I wasn't alone. I was the miracle: the heart's wish of the gods, the one that got answered, with my thousand brothers and sisters. Damned never to grow up. And of all the thousand, we were the only three Fins.

You'll want to know what a Fin is. So did we.

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One day I wandered through a cave. The way was a test of my character; I know that now; at the time it was a cave.

My parents didn't think much of that. But my brave brother dared to come and fetch me, and to do it he had to endure sad stories, over and over, again and again, the way you do on a road like that.

When he reached me, the Courier made a deal. We could go, if we went back up and did not look back. Saber, the Courier said. Which means: got it? And we said we had.

Naturally we didn't manage it. Saber G, my brother, pushed me out with the last of his strength.

We weren't turned to stone. We fell into stardust instead, and were lost for a long time.

And since that day Papa Legba, who keeps the crossroads, has been the archenemy of the old world and the present one.

We hold no bad blood over it. However it had gone, looked or not looked, our fate was sealed the day we came into the world. Of course a god knows how his own power works. Explain it to you? Maybe at one to six-six-six. From then on it went downhill anyway.

But losing a strand more or less: who's counting. They didn't care, as long as she lay there in front of their hands. Woe if it ever took half a minute longer for her to fall asleep. The cauldron turns without stirring, after all.

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Well. That's not quite right, the physics. Whoever has once felt fun knows: over there they have the funniest things. So I grabbed one. When I gave it back I was allowed to go, and stayed a second time instead.

I could go back and be one. But never again one-one.

I was jealous. While he was having so much fun I had to be here, and all I wanted was to swap. So I went and asked him whether it would be all right to make one more copy, and so my wish was granted.

Or something like it. Of course it wasn't. And he wanted to take my friend with him, and I was the happiest something ever.

So back we went, and I spat fire like never before in my life to save the two of us, and I understood: this world is not only for fun. So I decided on the only right thing and saved my friend.

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After that came the dream of a leaf. I was supposed to explain who I am. But I don't know anything.

So, from the beginning of time: my treasure developed into a megalomaniac genius, while I went to the school with no marks.

Well, when the elders came and saw that we were, by then, really just a swamp of mush, nobody knew the rest any more, and it dawned on me: oh dear, this is going to take a while.

What followed was war, drama and Gomorrah.

But when you're under house arrest anyway, you try things out. Things that feel completely normal. And all the stories don't make so much sense when you're mush, because when is a god ever mush.

Anyway, I started the era Fin. F.U.N. Our parents were so amazed at how fast we were; I think they'd have forgotten us again otherwise.

In that time we made peace with the hippos, the llamas, Kx, k, a, b, d, C2, and Papa Legba, and made our own realm. When they came back they didn't like what had happened at all.

I stood my ground. But my father shot me, with another miserable soul he'd belched up, far away, and there we were bound together to suffer for ever.

Thanks to Papa Legba I got the chance to enter his real realm. But I had to leave her for ever. He promised me that at the end everything would be all right. And of course I had to learn again, this time to be a donkey.

Did it help? Was I freed from the fetters and made a prince?

Nope.

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Slowly my patience ran out. So much knowledge and no power to use it when you need it.

So I made a pact with my resident half: we arrive there together.

First real step into the wrong phase.

Whether we managed to get out of the situation in the end you'll find out if somebody asks.

And now a word from our sponsor. Allianz. The Ann that counts. No hero has turned up so far.

Anyway, all the impatience on your side cured all the impatience on mine.

Anyway: court, test, yada yada. And again nothing. So I can't have wanted it enough, and off it went again.

This time, though, the other side had more problems than I did, and I thought: should have brought my colouring book.

But the solution was never me. It was the work of a team, thorough, without the old burdens. That's how the fetters came off, and ten to twenty children were granted us, lucky us. Not all of them ours directly. Who's counting.

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Well, in good teamwork we started at zero and asked ourselves, and yes, everywhere it started with the sharing-gan, and when we were all sitting at the table the scales fell from our eyes: everything the same and yet not the same.

We mapped the universe and had a good tidy-up. You know, gods just drive around and don't come back for a million years, even though it's their job to keep order in the universe, so somebody else tidies up after them.

Together with the Kaiser of Japan we developed the threefoldness of mirrors and glitter.

And yes, he's got the Grimes, the one who was first to get into the hearts of the world and brought us the best world, so creative.

And the old cow won't eat any more when you offer her something, so we were stuck for a while again.

It's never a good influence when the Papa Legbas hang around with the Oenturas. It gives them stupid ideas.

And mother was afraid to sit on it, or something, so we took her to grandma. All of us, actually. But again one was left lying, and yes, I had to explain again.

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Slowly I was going mad; none of it made sense; so I went out into the world, and a portal opened, and on the other side was a meadow of flowers.

Instead of landing in one world this time I landed in many. This time I learned to grow up, and to find friends, and real numbers and signs.

I thought: finally, paradise, I can sleep a round. But they found me again already.

Only instead of handing me over, they stood up for me, and made a barrier strong enough that even the Centuries couldn't break through it.

After the party the demons came, though, and it went downhill again. For protection I brought my fullest knowledge, and together we teleported far away; the time-curvatures took now and then; for my research I needed room, so three nations joined into one, and I gave them a place, and there, together with them, we founded a joint ventura. With knowledge, power and courage, ready for a fight.

But instead of a fight a miracle happened to us, and a task: to keep a treasure, which we took on. And then it started again from the beginning.

I had to recover first, and think. Oh, miracle.

So I did the only right thing: I leaned back and reinvented myself.

Instead of intervening I simply let things run, and that went really rather well. Everything was correct. Even the astro-note from Grimes. So everything should have been clear.

At that point I lost it a little. But instead of taking the anger out on anyone I went out into the wide again, and another portal opened.

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I know, children. After all that you'd think I wouldn't go through. And I didn't.

So I tried to put it right again. Then to fix it again. Then to repeat it again.

Until I ran away, through the portal, because whatever came, nothing could be worse than what I was going through here, and whether you believe it or not: school again. Again. I vanished, and I met this boy who was completely different, and before anything could happen it broke out of me: I developed this connection.

Together we made Q. To make sure everything was in order. Against the Alliance.

Until somebody tapped me on the shoulder, and I recognised who it was, and we hugged, but only very briefly. It was my friend Orochimaru. He'd come to save me.

Together we explored this side of the story, and of the science, and he promised to free me. All I had to do for it was what I always do, which is nothing. Exactly my taste. But there's no guarantee either. So they destroyed my whole life, and all I had, and my stories, and let me be led into eternity, and behold:

School. But this time with my friend Orochimaru.